dear manufacturers of 12x12 paper,

please cease and desist manufacturing paper. i have enough already and am not strong enough to resist the temptation of buying more. i need to use all the beauties that i already have, so back off.

dear paper handling clerks at michaels, jo-anns, hobby lobby, etc.,

please do not manhandle my individual pieces of paper like you are wrangling an alligator to it's death. they are sweet, innocent, defenseless pieces of paper who i'm certain mean you no harm. be kind. be gentle. put on your white gloves before you touch my paper and give me a nervous breakdown.

dear joann.com,

please find my two orders that i placed online THREE WEEKS AGO. what? seriously. whatever weird way you shipped them, no one can find them. i wish i'd known it would take this long, so i could have built my own machinery from scraps to manufacture my very own products that i tried to buy from you.

dear my homemade chocolate chip cookies,

please stop tempting me to eat two of you every day.

dear soon-to-be-born my goddaughter baby mckenna,

i cannot wait to meet you and dress you up in skull and crossbones gear and and black tutus. it will be just lovely.

xoxo,
man

Posted by Unknown at 9:37 PM